I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
