Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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