we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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