All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
