She said her name was "party"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
