Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Acid is not a monday night drug
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
