even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
