You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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