if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
