Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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