Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
