i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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