the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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