New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
