nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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