my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
