I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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