I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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