i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
