I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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