But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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