yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
