what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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