Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sarcasm needs its own font
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
