he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
