i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
