yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
