All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
