my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
