dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
