Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
