So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
