Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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