I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
