remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
