we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
