I want to walk on stilts...naked
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
