i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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