At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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