never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
