Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
