I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
