I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
