we made out on top of his cat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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