You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
