I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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