The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
