and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
