i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
