Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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