well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
