its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
