dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
