i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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